gentle heart
by Porsche-Cash
Summary: He kept him sane for two years inside Shin-ra manor, but who had a grasp on his own sanity? Three shot, violence, blood, boy love, Cloud x Zack, Rating to be safe
1. lightest night

Pairing: Zack x Cloud

Rating: M

Disclaimer: If I owned Final Fantasy VII do you think I would need to write this? When I could put it in animation for the masses?

Summary: He kept him sane all those years, but who was keeping a grip on his sanity when they escaped?

Based off the Final Fantasy VII Doujin Tragic Kingdom

---xxx---

The cold winds howled around the outside of the shelter they had managed to find. The cold stone walls were anything but home, but they provided protection from the elements, the monsters outside and from the monsters inside Shin-ra ever finding them. The raven haired SOLDIER first class curled up into a ball as he buried his face into his arms. He felt so dirty, so wrong, so _tainted_, as though something had wormed its way into his body and was slowly corrupting him from the inside out.

Shin-ra manor had a habit of making a man feel that way, though one man in particular had been responsible. Professor Hojo. The name caused Zack to shudder from memories he desperately tried to repress. The only thought that he had inside that terrible place was of Cloud. He had to keep the boy safe, had to keep him sane. He would NOT let Hojo rip the boy from himself.

He regretted nothing that he had done. He had placed Cloud's mind before his own by his own choice of free will. He had no idea how he had done it, how he had managed to keep the boy sane inside that terrible place. But Cloud was still the same Cloud he had been before they had been taken away on a stretcher. But Zack wasn't, he was a dirty corrupted _thing_ in his own eyes.

He felt as if the walls were mocking him, he could hear the cruel cackle as he mad scientists cheeks puffed up for every cruel burst of laughter. He dug his fingers into his hair as he shook uncontrollably. He remembered the things that he had done in the name of Rupert Shin-ra. Women and children in Wutai as they screamed for him to spare them from the cold hard steel of his sword. He didn't deserve to live, to breath the same air on the planet. He convinced himself that he belonged in hell and he set himself on a mission to send himself there.

"I'm back" came a soft voice as the owner of it came around the corner with an arm load of bags from the near by village a few kilometers away.

Zack's back heading towards the exit of the old underground bunker was all that Cloud needed to know that he was planning on leaving him forever.

"NO" the blond cried out as he flung himself at Zack's retreating back and wrapped his arms around the man's strong waist and held onto him for dear life.

"Please don't" Cloud gasped as tears rolled down his face and soaked into the back of Zack's shirt "please" he gasped as the air in his lungs came in and out in sharp and whining gasps "Please don't leave" he begged.

"I'm sorry" the first said as he tried to gently pry the blond's arms from his waist, but they clamped down with renewed strength and vigor.

"No, don't you leave" he said angrily "don't you fuckin' leave" the mountain boy growled as he held onto Zack's waist "don't you dare think for one second I'll let you leave. You wanna go then you're taking me with you."

"It's going to be ok Zack" the blond whispered soothingly as he rubbed circles into the raven haired mans stomach in a soothing gesture.

"I'm a monster Cloud, no better than Rupert or Hojo"

"Not to me you're not" the blond replied softly as he continued to rub the soothing circles into his skin.

"When I was promoted, I knew the duties that I would be forced to perform. I knew that I was trapped, that I had no choice and I know of those who were kept prisoner with-in the company. Flushing out sleeper cells, suppressing terrorism were things that I was used to but" Zack took a shuddering breath and backed up against the wall as he pried Cloud off him "women and children" a tear trickled down his cheek "they don't fight, they beg. A small part of me hesitates and they run for their lives. It was a part of me that I clung to, which reminded me that I was still human, that I was a man not a monster" he said as he slid to the ground and buried his face in his hands.

Cloud moved in front of him and knelt down and reached a gentle hand forwards towards his arms and moved them away. Zack leaned forward and placed his balled fists against Cloud's lean chest for a moment before he pressed his cheek against the flesh covered only by a loose white T-shirt.

"I tried to shut it out, but it hurt to try. I told myself I was a man acting out orders and by doing that I could find some sense of self. In the beginning I wondered what sort of things would happen to a man like me."

Cloud snaked his arms around Zack's back as he rested his head on top of the raven haired mans head.

"You wanted to be a SOLDIER too, didn't you?" Zack asked as he leaned closer against the teenager so that his chest pressed up against his body.

"I don't care about things like that anymore" the blond replied "at first it meant the world to me. To be like Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis, like you" he whispered the final part "that was my dream, the one thing that held a purpose for me in this world. But the past two years I only focused on staying alive long enough to see the outside world. To feel the wind on my face, the earth beneath my toes as I step outside."

"Good" Zack breathed shakily "I don't want you to become a tainted monster like me."

"I don't see you like that" Cloud said softly "I still see the man who held me in those cells, who told me, no, forced me to believe that we would make it out of that place. When I look at you I don't see a man or a monster, I see a hero. You can call me naïve or stupid and I can't do a thing about it."

"Do you forgive me?" Zack asked.

"I don't forgive you, because you don't need forgiveness. Even if you met a member of a family you slaughtered and they didn't forgive you, I would always want to see you back here" Cloud replied with his soft and soothing voice that showed just a hint of his mountain boy accent.

Zack's arms reached around Cloud and held him close against his body. His comforting warmth, his gentle voice and his soothing caress were all things that Zack would never take for granted.

"I don't care about tomorrow or the day after that. Let's just stay like this" Zack said softly as he felt Cloud's chin rest a top his head and felt the soothing vibrations from his chest as he hummed.


	2. warmest snow

Pairing: Zack x Cloud

Rating: M

Disclaimer: As much as it pains me to say it I don't own Final fantasy VII

Summary: He kept him sane all those years, but who was keeping a grip on his sanity when they escaped?

Based off the Final Fantasy VII Doujin Tragic Kingdom

---xxx---

The snow blew around the cave with such ferocity and force that it had the two people inside the cave shivering merely from the sound of the snow whipping around in the wind, let alone the freezing temperature. The raven haired man looked to the teenage asleep with a blanket over his sleeping form, oblivious to the swirling storm outside of the cavern.

"_It isn't getting any better" _Zack thought to himself as he looked out into the night and pulled the blanket he had managed to scavenge tighter around himself _"perhaps it'll be like this all night. Then we'll have to skip food, again"_ and Zack let out a groan at the thought of going another morning with-out food.

A small groan and a rustle of the blankets beside him let him know that Cloud was waking up. He turned his violet eyes onto the blond and saw his eyelids flutter open to reveal the slightly mako enhanced blue eyes beneath the thin lids of skin.

"You're awake" Zack said softly as Cloud put his forearm over his forehead and shivered.

"It's so cold" Cloud said softly as he shivered against the cold winds "I told you that it was a bad day to go out" he said as he pulled the blanket closer to him.

"We already planned this when we left the bunker, I can't foresee the weather ya know" Zack told the blond as he sat up and pulled the blanket around his shoulders.

"I know that" Cloud replied as he watched the snow storm outside the cavern.

"It isn't like you've never seen something like this before though, I never have. You were born in the wilderness weren't you?" Zack asked as he watched the play of the snow in the wind.

"It gets boring after a while" the blond replied as he shifted around on the ground.

"Is it because this place is remote like Nibelheim?" Zack asked.

"The water and air out there is amazing, it's so tranquil and beautiful once you make your way out of the town and your out in the forest. That was one thing that made me hold on, to walk through those woods again" Cloud replied as his face glazed over and a look of pure beauty, rapture and longing passed over his face, as though it something just for Cloud and that was what made Zack feel as if all of his efforts had been worth it.

"It sounds beautiful" Zack said softly.

"It is, it really is amazing" Cloud said as he returned to the planet and stretched his arms a little.

"It's so cute, you seemed almost home sick" Zack chuckled as he watched Cloud's face.

Cloud aimed a playful punch at Zack, which he caught with ease, and then suddenly he blanched as he trailed his fingers over the flesh of his hand and felt ice cold steel instead of the feeling of flesh that should have been there.

"Your hands, they're so cold" Zack said as he ran a hand over his knuckles.

"I know it's cold" Cloud said softly as he felt Zack's fingers move over his knuckles.

"Stop it" Cloud said as he felt Zack's fingers slowly thread themselves with his won and he tried to pull away from his hand, only to find that Zack was keeping his fingers interlocked with his own at any cost.

"Why? Nobodies around" Zack said as he ran his thumb over the top of Cloud's hand.

"Not here" Cloud whispered and blushed at the feeling of Zack's thumb over his own hand.

"You're so shy" Zack said as he let his hand fall with Cloud's fingers still intertwined and clasped with his own.

"Come on, let go" Cloud said, no force or authority behind his voice.

"You were the one who was complaining from the cold" Zack replied as he leaned closer to Cloud, so that they were shoulder to shoulder.

"It's fine, just let go" Cloud said, as though he was saying it because he had to, not because he wanted to.

"Don't be so shy" Zack said as he kept his interlocked clasp on the teens fingers.

"Shut up I said let go" Cloud replied in the same voice, as if he were complaining because he thought he should, not because he didn't want what was happening.

"If I do?" Zack asked as he let go of Cloud's hand and wrapped his arm around the blonds shoulder and pulled him against his body.

"Impossible" Cloud said softly as he sheltered himself under Zack's blanket and against his body "as if you would"

"It's really cold, despite you being from the north, but you're strong" Zack said as he looked down at the blond teenager under his arm who had curled up next to the man by his side.

"At the rate this storm blows, how cold do you think it's going to get?" Cloud asked from under Zack's arm and blanket as he looked out at the entrancing play of snow on the wind "I hope it doesn't get too cold."

"Don't think" Zack said softly as he wrapped his arm around Cloud more so that his hand rested on top of his head and then another was around his shoulders "just keep breathing stronger" Zack said reassuringly.

"It's all going to be ok Cloud" he said reassuringly, the way he had during their time in Shin-ra manor.

He felt the desperate clutch of Cloud's hand against the sleeveless shirt that he wore and he tightened his hold on the suddenly fragile teenage boy in his arms.

"Yes, there's o way I'm going to leave you and nothing will take me away. Today the world will leave us alone on this platinum night.


	3. darkest winter

Pairing: Zack x Cloud

Rating: M

Disclaimer: You really are a bunch of sadists for making me say this I don't own Final Fantasy VII

Summary: He kept him sane all those years, but who was keeping a grip on his sanity when they escaped?

Based off the Final Fantasy VII Doujin Tragic Kingdom

---xxx---

Brass bullets littered the muddy ground as his prone form lay on the ground. Blood poured from his wounds as though he himself had become a hemoglobic river. The rain fell from the skies against his prone form as he lay on the ground bleeding the last drops of his life away.

"Cloud" Zack managed to croak out weakly for the teen he had fallen in love with.

What had started as a mission had soon evolved into a feeling of personal duty. From there it had emerged like a butterfly from the chrysalis into the love that he held for the gentle boy deep down in his heart. He could say that with out regret in his heart that he loved Cloud.

"Zack" Cloud called out for the man as he came out of his hiding place and searched the bullet, blood and body strewn battle ground for a sight of the man.

"Good" Zack croaked when he heard the sound of the voice that made his heart beat a little faster "you're safe, even so you still have a ways to go" Zack said as he coughed up blood.

"Gaia" the teenager breathed as he saw his wounds and his coughing.

"I'm sorry" Zack began weakly "that things didn't quite go as I planned for them to."

"No it's ok…" Cloud began but Zack silenced him with a hand.

"I'm so sorry that I couldn't keep out promise to be together" the former SOLDIER said weakly.

"What are you saying?" Cloud asked him shakily as Zack reached a hand up to his cheek and the hand made its way to the back of his head as he pulled Cloud down towards his lips.

The feeling of Cloud's soft lips against his own had him regretting what would surely happen in the next few minutes. At the most he had ten but he refused to think of how long he had. He felt Cloud's lips move against his as he kissed him back. Cloud broke away from him and tears leaked from his eyes.

"Please don't go" he begged as he tried to stop his tears from flowing over his eye lids.

"Promise me something Cloud" Zack asked him as he smiled to try and reassure the terrified boy who was barely the age of a man.

"Promise me that you'll live your life for you and me. If you find someone who makes you happy then I want you to be with them. I want you to be happy in this life" Zack said to him.

"I will" Cloud promised shakily.

"Good, now come here" Zack said as he ushered the teenager to lie against him.

He held Cloud close against his body until he saw his former mentor reach out from the life stream for him. It was his time to leave this world and he closed his eyes as he felt himself leave his body and grimaced as he left the boy who lay against him. The final emotions that he felt were something that could never leave the world, the plantet, the lifestream. For all eternity they would never die.

He felt no pain, no agony, no long and slow drawn out feeling. It was as if a spell had been cast upon his heart and body, making them just simply stop working

Cloud felt the warmth leave his body the moment Zack left his own. He looked up at the gentle and serene face and got up off his body.

"Zack, come on" Cloud said as he gripped the dead mans arm and placed his hand against his cheek "come on you'll catch a cold."

His face turning frighteningly cold beneath his loves fingers was not his fault. He was never there to hold him abck, but ot guide him for the trials that were soon to face the planet. The blood and memories of his past actions were washed away in the falling rain of te dark winters night. He wished only that his lover had been left whole, so that no matter where he might go.

It could have ben with more than half his beautiful soul

When he realized that his love would no longer breathe and that his heart would no longer beat he threw his head to the winds and let out a scream of pure pain and agony.

Every being tied to the planet heard or on some level felt his grief that day, such was the power and force of it. Inside his immortalis host Chaos chuckled in pure delight as he felt the agony of the boy, agony he would one day meet in person. Inside their deep sleep the weapons rumbled before resuming their deep sleep, only to be awoken when the planet deemed that they should. Even the Goddess herself heard and felt the screams of Cloud's agony. But even she could not reverse this darkest winters night.


End file.
